KISAH PROFESOR DEMAM

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Sebuah satira diambang merdeka.


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Alkisah seorang professor disebuah universiti bertaraf antaraplanet. Dia merasakan sesuatu yang tak kena dengan senario kesarjanaan universitinya. Terlalu sibuk menjaga status antaraplanet sehingga lupa masalah planetnya sendiri. Ini kerana proses pendokumentasian untuk jaga status itu terlalu banyak.  Dia amat risau akan hal ini sehingga dia demam. Lalu dia berjumpalah dengan seorang yang berpangkat bos2 di universitinya, iaitu seorang profesor juga.

Professor demam: saya rasa kita terlalu sibuk dengan karenah pendokumentasian, sampai tak sempat fikir soal kesarjanaan. Boleh kita ubah?

Profesor bos: Boleh, tapi kenalah tunjuk secara saintifik masalah ni wujud atau tidak. Macamni lah, awak dapatkan data. Minta dana, minta geran. Buat proper researchlah.

Professor demam pun buat research, dapat geran 100,000. Kumpul data satu planet. Selepas setahun, profesor demam bertambah demam, tapi kajiannya siap.

Prof Demam: ini data dalam artikel ni menunjukkan  proses dokumentasi pengurusan melumpuhkan kesarjanaan universiti.

Prof Bos: Data ni dah publish ke jurnal q1 antaraplanet belum?

Prof demam: dah bentang dalam konferen planet kita  aje. Kita nak rakyat kita yang fikir isu ni. Ni bukan masalah planet lain.

Prof Bos: data dan artikel ni tak boleh dipakai kalau takde pengiktirafan tertinggi sarjana seluruh alam. Pergi publish dulu. Nah amik geran ni, pegi up lagi research dan bayar yuran publish jurnal q1 antaraplanet.

Prof demam pun ambil geran lagi 100k untuk 'up' kan lagi artikel  antaraplanet. Bertungkuslumuslah dia buat research. Dalam buat research tu dia sendiri terpaksa mengharung karenah dokumentasi yang dia cuba atasi tersebut. Akhirnya dia berjaya siapkan dan publish 10 artikel di jurnal q1antaraplanet.
Selepas siap, dia pun jumpa Profesor Bos. Tapi dia semakin sakit, penat dan hilang fokus dah.

Prf Demam: Ni dah publish. Boleh kita bincang isu tu?

Prof bos: isu apa tu?

Prof demam: nanti saya cuba ingat balik,....aaa.. isu kesarjanaan yang terhakis di universiti.

Prof Bos: ada isu ke? You ok aje jadi sarjana, dah publish 10 artikel kat jurnal antaraplanet ape.

Prof demam: Tapi saya rasa isu belum selesai, proses itu masih sama. Dan saya belum dapatpun penyelesaian selepas data dipublish. Penghuni planet kita masih tak berubah pun. Mereka tak baca pun artikel tu.

Prof Bos: Betul ke mereka tak baca? Kena ada bukti saintifik ni. Nah amik geran 1 juta buat kajian betul ke penghuni planet ni tak baca jurnal antaraplanet q1 tu.

Prof demam terus pengsan. Bila sedar, dia dah pun pencen, lalu duduklah dirumah tanam sayur dan jaga cucu.

Profesor Bos semakin gembira kerana profesor2nya semua dapat geran juta2 dan hasilkan banyak artikel, dan universitinya semakin meningkat nama di kalangan universiti2 seluruh galaksi Bima Sakti.

ZJ ogos 2021

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